Vignettes from an Old Movie

It was like vignettes from a movie
The way that morning was to me
flowing from dreaming to awake and back

I wake to feel you next to me
the night was cool and quiet
I could hear you breathing and move
putting my arm around you, afraid you might wake up

Awake again, you were in the shower
a feeling of comfort came over me
I was going to join you, but remembered
we are not like that, anymore

Then I woke up to the hair dryer
I wanted to get up and see you
watch you get ready for work
the monotone sounds droned me back to sleep

Then I woke up to warmth
of your face near mine
your scent came close to me
‘lock the door on your way out’
and I felt lips kiss my forehead

at that moment
I thought you might still love me

The next time I woke up
it was to your door closing
I heard your cat crying good bye
as you went downstairs
closing the door to get outside

I went to the window
to watch you get in your car
thought of the dinner we made
f how I massaged you and held you
of that moment with you over me
not knowing where the dreams started

Forgive Me

Last night, I was petting the cats
feeding the young one spinach
and your bed spoke to me
it asked me to lay down
and I did

I didn't mean to undo your bed making
but it was so inviting
pleading to me
and the smell of you
made it so comforting

The ghost must have know I was there
cause while I was sleeping
I thought I felt a head resting on my shoulder.
It was the best sleep I have had for a while
Then I went to hold you closer..

When you were not there
I woke up
a dark grey sky
peeked through the slants of blinds
and the room was cold.

Muted

I had woken up in the middle of the night.
we fell asleep with the television on.
I turned on my side
watched you sleeping.

You were on your back,
your head tilted towards me.
Hair falling over the side of your face,
still damp from the shower we shared.

You looked calm in the T.V. light
Eyelids softly rippling from movement.
Your right hand
out from under the blanket
over your heart.

I stared at you,
wondering what mystical lottery
it was that I won,
to be here
sharing this bed with you.
And then your eyes opened;

You looked at me,
said nothing,
but touched my cheek and lips.
While turning on your side
you leaned up and kissed me
and closed your eyes.

In that perfect place
between sleep and reality,
where we are most vulnerable and honest,
You felt it fine to kiss me
and hold my hand.
Since then, I have been trying to get there
and join you.

The Lost Hidden Path, In Awe

We were watching what looked like
two dragonflies mating in flight,
darting back and forth around us.
The sun reflecting rainbows off
algae green hidden waters.
and you were in awe of the brightness
the cobalt blue of a dragonfly in particular.

And I was in awe of you.
You were not self-conscious.
In love with all you saw
the deer, the bugs, the moss, the dirt.
You enveloped yourself in the simple nature,
the complicated beauty of everything.

And the image that holds together my summer
was the sight of your eyes glowing at me
honest and angelic
reflecting back the sun off the pond
showing within them the definition of life and love.
I was amazed that nature found a way
to create the wonderful being that was you.

Gamestop

I opened the door and looked up, seeing a familiar face, but not placing who it was. I thought nothing of it and went to continue walking. Then I felt something, a twitch or a sense coming alive after a lapse. I looked up and saw her. The chances were ridiculously against this, meeting up so far from our homes; not knowing how close a place comfort was. My stomach was suddenly full, my heart fell and I got dizzy, excited, and scared all at once. Then we spoke, I said hello to what was a familiar face, now recognized as her father. I spoke to him and her about the randomness of this meeting. Meanwhile, I had visions of the movie, ‘The Last Time I Committed Suicide’ where Neil and Mary were at the dinner table having conversation with her family while they were trying not to make it obvious how much they just wanted to stare at each other, how this close wasn’t close enough.
I looked in her eyes, wonderful as ever. Her hair had been lightened a little; I remembered it being darker and shorter, but not by much either way. And we stared, although it was obvious to me we were taking turns, her staring at me as I looked away, and then reversed.
God, I was nervous. I could not get words out I was so awestruck. I felt my throat get dry and had to stutter and clear it a few times. I had been in situations like this before, but never like this. I never felt like this; excited that it happened. I hardly felt awkward, if you ignore the lump in my throat and down to my stomach. However, that was enough to make me nervous. Enough to make me think ending the conversation was maybe best; Not because I wanted it to end, but because I did not want it to end at all. I was afraid I might make a fool of myself in front of her father, the way my stomach was dancing around, to match all of the words and feelings bouncing around in my head. So, we ended the conversation. I walked to my car, conscious not to look back until I sat down. Not wanting to make it obvious how awake I suddenly felt. I sat down and took a long breath. Amazed, I started the car, and the radio kicked on, giving me another jump. I had left the iPod on and on random while I went into the store and it was mid song. A song that always made me think of her. A song she loved the first time I shared it with her. It only made the situation make more sense, the coincidence. It fit. I back out of the parking spot. Purposely going the long way so I could face right into the store I just left, the store they were in. She was in the front door, on display, pretending to look at the racks with her father, while she looked out at me. I got to the front of the store and turned toward the exit. We looked at each other and waved at each other. I was curious if she felt anything I did. I was curious if this was random, coincidence, or fate.