Do You Remember the Face Before You Were Born?

I had a dream, before I was born, of a face; the face of love and trust. I saw our lives, both apart and together; it was great and smelled like summer.

She took steps to understand me. She asked questions, and never expected. I felt safe with her, in her arms; she smelled like musk and tea tree.

I try to see the face now, I close my eyes, and although I can sense her,
even remember the touch I have never felt; I cannot see her face in my mind.

I know she exists here, she told me she would find me, if only for a moment.
I imagine how I will find her, where we will meet. I have often thought it would be shopping, for food or books.

I recall being in those places, suddenly feeling like I was being watched. I would look up and see someone walking away from me. As if, she might have just turned around. I wondered if she might be her.

There have been a few times; I was even convinced I found her. I would look into the eyes of my lover, in bed, or walking in sunlight. Trying to see if she would remember what she might have promised me before we were born. One thing was always missing; the touch, or the questions, or the smell.

I cannot imagine her face, and do not yet know her name. I am not even sure if it was just a dream. Nevertheless, I will continue on, walk with my head high.
Peeking around corners; not really looking so much as being aware, and hoping.

In a Almost Empty Room

She keeps saying
"It's not the way it looks."

As she paints black
over a used canvas,
once a blend of colors like a sunrise.
Auburns, reds, yellows, purples
all disappearing under the black.

She ties my ankles
to the legs of the chair
with frame hanging wire.
She says, "Run away".

More wire and she ties my wrists
to the arms of the chair.
With a small putty knife
she is cutting off my pants,
tearing open the seams
on the side of the legs.
"I want to see who you really are"

and eventually, I am naked.

She tells me not to look at her
takes a razor and cuts open my eyelids
Skin that was once part of me
thrown onto the once-sunrise-black.

Behind me now, I cannot see her.
Slowly my hair is being cut off
then my head is roughly shaved
"You are not who I fell in love with"

Scalp bleeding into wounds
that were once my eyes
"You decided long ago
that you would be
the one hurt most"

She just stands there
covered in bits of
hair, blood, denim and black.
Staring, until she walks out of the room.

All is silent,
but for my breathing,
and the dripping of blood
into my ears.

When she comes back into the room
she is holding the bottom half
of what once was a hollow statue.

Close to me now
"I'm trying to show you how much I love you"
She kicks the arm of the chair
I fall back
my head lands hard onto the ground
I taste blood and adrenaline.

I feel the air move
through what was once my eyelids as
she moves to stand over me
"I never meant to hurt you"
Through red and tears
I see her looking at me.

I believe her.

She lowers what is left of the statue into my chest
I smell acrylic and blood.
I see blood red fading to black.
And then I smell Her.

I try to forget
the pain, the past,
the smells of pain(t)
and I'm bound
laying here naked
bald and bleeding

Vignettes from an Old Movie

It was like vignettes from a movie
The way that morning was to me
flowing from dreaming to awake and back

I wake to feel you next to me
the night was cool and quiet
I could hear you breathing and move
putting my arm around you, afraid you might wake up

Awake again, you were in the shower
a feeling of comfort came over me
I was going to join you, but remembered
we are not like that, anymore

Then I woke up to the hair dryer
I wanted to get up and see you
watch you get ready for work
the monotone sounds droned me back to sleep

Then I woke up to warmth
of your face near mine
your scent came close to me
‘lock the door on your way out’
and I felt lips kiss my forehead

at that moment
I thought you might still love me

The next time I woke up
it was to your door closing
I heard your cat crying good bye
as you went downstairs
closing the door to get outside

I went to the window
to watch you get in your car
thought of the dinner we made
f how I massaged you and held you
of that moment with you over me
not knowing where the dreams started

Within The Silence Your Heartbeat Comes to an Audible Level

Wearing a sky blue shirt and khakis
her ring finger wore no ring
confidence was in her eyes
She told you her name, it did not sink in
you could not recall her speaking
being lost in her green eyes and flowing hair
She must have realized this
she spoke again
leaning over into view of your eyes
Your attempts at being coy and cool were lost
She listened to you stutter
watching your lips and eyes
Her soft laugh made you deaf
the innocent sound echoing
she gently smiled at you
You felt comfortable so quickly
She did not seem to judge you
each moment was a new day
her lead in to the next moment of speech slow
Find yourself imagining futures
a déjà vu or lost dream rediscovered
rewritten with each wave of her hair
You looked around as you spoke
to find someone you knew
a savior from this moment of reckoning
A life rebuilt with each look
from her eyes to yours
tearing down ancient walls and dreams
Your left thumb and forefinger
pinch the back of your right arm
assured yourself you were awake
She felt like home so quickly